Watch Me Watch Myself

By: C. Blair | Posted: 09th September 2010

Mirrors. When you really think about it, they’re everywhere. Sure they’re in your bedroom, your bathroom, and of course, those hideous ones in fitting rooms that should be banned by law. But those sneaky mirrors are not content to stay behind closed doors; just think about how many times a day you see your reflection in the most random of places. Take a typical walk from your car in the parking lot into the office: you see yourself in the car window as you get in...in your rearview mirror all the way to work (or your eyes, at least)...in the car window again as you get out...in the reflection of the glass door of the office building...in front of the shiny aluminum elevator doors (which can actually be amusing because they usually resemble those funhouse mirrors)...and in the blank computer monitor at your desk. And then you get to do it all over again when it’s time to leave...yippee.

And then there’s shopping, and you don’t even have to endure the harsh light and full-length mirrors of a fitting room that leave nothing to the imagination. Just walk down the sidewalk of your favorite strip mall...or any other mall for that matter. I don’t know how many times I’ve questioned why window washers must be so darn good at their job. 

It really shouldn’t be any surprise that Americans tend to be unhappy with their physical appearance. In her article “Nip and Tuck Nation” for Sophie magazine, Biljana Kroll notes that 52% of American women “are dissatisfied with their appearance and wish to be made over”. Unfortunately, there really is no way to avoid looking at ourselves. Think about it: if you can’t look at yourself, you don’t know what you look like, and if you don’t know what you look like, you can’t be unhappy, now can you? (This is assuming, of course, that your loud-mouthed friend doesn’t come over and blurt out that you look like a hot mess...) We could stare straight ahead as we walk through the mall, and we could look at everything but the elevator doors, but quite frankly, who wants to make that kind of effort? In recent years, the media has been vilified for providing unrealistic images of “perfect” people...perfect, skinny, paunch-less, air-brushed, photo-shopped people. 

Frankly, though, the media is only part of the problem. Admittedly, television bombards us with “perfection”, and we look at ourselves countless times a day and pick ourselves apart, telling ourselves what’s wrong with our bodies. And I’m not just talking about curvy women, or men who are thinning on top. There are skinny women out there (you know who you are!) who wish that they had a curvier butt or a bigger cup size. And there are wonderfully sculpted men who long for less back hair or a better complexion. But what is stopping us from seeing that we should accept our imperfections, that if we really want to change something about our appearance, we do it for our health or for self improvement - not because the latest magazine says we have to in order to be considered reasonably attractive by the general public.

But what if there are so many opportunities for us to observe ourselves because we are so obsessed with appearances? There is the whole media argument, that, due to its utter ubiquitousness, it is considered an “authority figure”. And because we are inherently trained to obey authorities without question, if it tells us that we should look or act a certain way, we will do our darndest to do so. According to Kroll, there are an estimated 35 reality makeover shows being shown on television, and 72% of women have “learned about anti-aging creams and surgical procedures from watching television programs”. But still, what really makes us think of media as an authority? The last time I checked, no one told me, “This is the television...do what it tells you.” No one has ever told me that I should try my hardest to look like the model on the magazine cover. But the truth is, no one has to tell us. Consider this: in a study designed to test adult peer pressure, adults were more likely to choose a wrong answer – despite knowing the correct answer - if everyone around them chose the same incorrect answer. In other words, if we are surrounded by something, even if we know that it’s wrong, we will be more inclined to copy it. 

There has been some promising progress in this regard, however, with the advent of the “plus sized” model (although I find it odd that a woman who wears a 12-14 is considered to be plus-sized, even though this is the size worn by the majority of women...go figure). Still, girls and women have to be “told” that it’s okay to look like a “curvy” woman who wears “plus-sized” clothes. 

This being said, doesn’t it ultimately rest with parents (the ultimate authority figures, usually) to tell their kids that what’s on TV isn’t always real, or that they don’t have to look perfect or mimic what they see? Kroll points out that 11,326 girls 18 and younger who got breast implants as graduation or birthday gifts from their parents in 2003, three times larger number than in 2002. The problem, though, is that the parents fall into the media/authority trap as well. They themselves are being bombarded with images of “perfect” parents, of career moms who can somehow balance work and family with ease, all while looking like they just came from a magazine fashion shoot. 

So in actuality, the problem is not overly-impressionable kids with disillusioned parents, nor is it unrealistically idealistic images in the media. The problem is a sheep mentality. Rather than have the independence to think outside of the mold, we are teaching the current generation that it is okay to accept yourself...as long as you resemble your surroundings. Instead, parents should tell their children that yes, you should accept yourself, but if there is something that you want to change, then by all means, change it! But make sure that you’re changing for all the right reasons. Don’t blend in, stand out! Stand out so you can show those mirrors who’s boss!
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